Comebacks

Luke Warm Pizza is TWWL’s morning headlines
(Lohan returns to form. Skinny, long red hair, and huge tits? Works for me.) More at 205th.com

The comebacks of Chad Pennington and Tarvaris Jackson came to a horrible crashing end yesterday. Kurt Warner’s and Donovan McNabb’s, after a benching, will continue for one more week.

Someone please tell ESPN that they can stop the ‘North Carolina may go undefeated talk’.

Colt McCoy Sort of Looks Retarded

It’s just an observation..but I do think he’ll have a ‘special’ game in tonight Fiesta Bowl.

Bucked In Carolina

Luke Warm Pizza – TWWL’s morning headlines

Panthers 38 Buccaneers 23 With the half time score 10-3 you felt pretty good about playing the under only to be screwed in the 2nd half. TWWL once had a ‘brush with greatness’ in the Tampa Airport when we spotted ESPN’s John Buccigross. I wish I had a better story about Tampa like the time I made passionate love to the cheerleader you see front and center, but you don’t want to hear details about how I pleasure myself.

NASCAR Needs a Bailout, Too – tough economic times hit racin’. (Yahoo)

Jerry Jones Hates Marion Barber - Owner melts down just like team. (Sporting News)

Norv Turner : Nose Picker

Luke Warm Pizza

Last night, during the 4th quarter, Chargers Head Coach Norv Turner was caught picking his nose. This game was being shown in 3D in a few select markets. That must have been scary. There is some good news: it was on the NFL Network so only a few people saw it and the Chargers beat the Raiders 34-7! So Norv comes out on top, he cleared his nasal passages of debris and got a victory.

If Norv is still the Chargers coach next year I suggest they select Missouri’s Chase Daniel in the draft. The Tigers QB seems to have the same passion for boogers that Norv does.

Michael Phelps Keeps Winning

Luke Warm Pizza – TWWL’s morning headlines
(On205th just keeps turning out talent like Kim Cloutier. Hot girl in lingerie on table, why didn’t we do that for Thanksgiving?)

SI’s Sportsman of The Year..
is Plaxico Burress aka Harris Smith! Did you really think it could be anyone other than Michael Phelps? 8 Gold Medals this summer, millions of dollars, a super hot Vegas cocktail waitress girlfriend…I guess he’s doing alright for himself. (SI)

Texans 30 Jaguars 17
As tempted as I was to ignore this match up of 4-7 squads I was drawn in once ‘The Grinch Who Stole Christmas’ was over. Goddam, I love me some Dr. Seuss. Of course these 2 played like a couple of 4-7 teams. They bored the crap out of us for 3 quarters and then decided to score with 28 of the 47 points coming in the final 15 minutes.

Ex-Badger Threatens Sharapova, Alvarez
Leonard Taylor, a former Wisconsin football player, was charged Monday with threatening athletic director Barry Alvarez, tennis star Maria Sharapova and their families.

His father told police Taylor has been diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and hasn’t taken his medication for three months..

According to the complaint, Wisconsin head athletic trainer Denny Helwig told police in September that Taylor had been calling Alvarez’s office phone and leaving six to seven disturbing messages each night since the beginning of the football season.

The profanity-laced messages accused Sharapova of committing various injustices against him. He said he wanted to marry her and kill her and her family.

That is bizarre! Usually you don’t want to kill the family until after you’re married and they spend Thanksgiving weekend at your house. (ESPN)

Harris Smith Shot at Applebee’s

Luke Warm Pizza is TWWL’s morning headlines
(Catalina Cruz has nice breasts. Damn, this long lay off has deprived me of any creativity!!)

Plaxico Burress Turned His-self In Troubled NY Giants wide out, Plaxico Burress turned himself in this morning. But there is some good news, details are beginning to emerge about Friday night’s incident in which Plax done shot hisself including:

* Taking his gun from the Midtown club Latin Quarter, where workers never called authorities and even cleaned up afterward.

* Spending about 90 minutes making frantic calls to figure out where his wound could be discreetly treated.

* Getting special treatment at New York-Cornell Hospital, where he gave his name as Harris Smith, saying he’d been shot at an Applebee’s restaurant. Nonetheless, hospital workers recognized him as Plaxico Burress, sources said, and the gunshot was not reported, as required by law.

Reminds me of Goodfellas when Tommy shot Spider in the foot and they had to take him to the doctor..only Plax didn’t have a the same doctor as Jimmy Conway. And I want a ‘Smith’ #17 Giants jersey for Christmas! (NY Post)

That Was Easy

Luke Warm Pizza is TWWL’s morning headlines

New York vs. New York Super Bowl Preview
Okay..there is still a long way to go but the Giants and Jets are beginning to look like they could be headed for Tampa. The Jets dominated the previously undefeated Titans and the Giants improved to 10-1 by handling the Arizonas. Imagine the Jets and Giants, 2 NY based teams that play in New Jersey, playing in Tampa with the Garden State’s 1st son, Bruce Springsteen, playing at half time. Oh, and somebody I know called both of these games.

Bill Snyder Returns to Kansas State he’s only 69, a full 12 years younger than Joe Paterno who got a new hip yesterday. (Rivals)

Sexy Jockey Only Interested if You’re Hung Like a Horse (Sports By Brooks)

Dick Vitale ‘Insufferable’

Luke Warm Pizza is TWWL’s morning headlines
(My Chill Pill is dead on when they say that Megan Fox is ‘too sexy for words’)

Not a Fan of Dick
ESPN just completed 24 hours of college hoops coverage and Rivals has a rather nice review:
Vitale is the face of ESPN basketball, and few announcers have been as hotly debated in recent years. Some love him. Some hate him. Some think he’s essential to college basketball, and some think his screams must ring over the public address system in Hell. Anyway, that was last year’s debate. This year? After one night, it’s safe to say Vitale has crossed the line from endearingly annoying to just plain insufferable. (Rivals)

Yanks Tell CC ‘Get off The Pot’
New Yankee Boss Hal Steinbrenner has issued a deadline to CC Sabathia to respond to the $140 million offer. (NY Daily News)

Steelers 27 Bengals 10
This was so boring that I turned away several times. Don’t know much about what happened but I do know that Toby returned to ‘The Office’. Michael was so bothered by this that he tried to get Toby fired. Jim bought his parent’s house and presented it as a suprise to Pam. Creed continues to be hysterical.

Ocho Cinco gonna score fantasy owners zero tonight

(You won’t see this guy on the field tonight against Pittsburgh…)

QUITE FRANKLIER is TWWL’s mid-day breakdown.

Why can’t the Cincy Bengals just let Chad Ocho Cinco be? Instead of letting him just run the team completely into the ground with his “me first” attitude, they keep doing things like deactivating him for tonight’s game against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Hey, Marvin Lewis, I hate to surmise, but I’m starting to get the feeling that Johnson may outlast your stay. Might as well play him. Not like you’re just going to throw the ball to T.J. Houshajkdfjawoijdalgdk anyways.

The Boss is officially out. George Costanza’s famous boss on Seinfeld, George Steinbrenner, handed over full control of his team to his son, Hal, on Thursday. Man, I’m gonna miss that guy…..about as much as I miss that burning sensation while peeing I picked up once in college.

Ya know, sometimes folks in the midwestern part of the U.S. get a bad wrap for being slower thinkers than the high-speed yahoos on the coasts. But, when you have a story like this one – where the Kansas City Chiefs are just now admitting that a 1-18 mark in its last 19 games is hurting attendance – it’s too easy. And, I’M FROM THE MIDWEST. I wish I could hope the Chiefs were going to get it turned around, but by the time they do, it will probably be over before they realized they were heading in the right direction.

Pacman Jones is Back, Again

Luke Warm Pizza is TWWL’s morning headlines
(Excuse me, Tami Donaldson, there’s a hole in your shirt)

Cowboy Reinstated After 5 Week Ban
The Cowboys got some good news from Roger Goodell. The commish has reinstated Pacman Jones.

“He much appreciates the Cowboys and Jerry Jones for standing behind him and encouraging him, and he’s grateful to the commissioner,” said Worrick Robinson, Adam Jones’ Nashville-based attorney.

Adam Jones’ Attorney..that is a recession-proof job if there ever was one. (SI)

Mussina Goes Out in Style
Mike Mussina turns 40 next month and will retire from baseball. He does so coming off a season in which he won 20 games for the 1st time in his career. There is no doubt that he could have signed another contract for millions of dollars but the bastard is classy and wants to go out that way. (NY Post)

Maybe Fat, Drunk & Stupid Is The Way To Go Through Life
Remember a few weeks ago when John Daly was arrested for being drunk outside a Hooters? Well, maybe it was just part of the fat ass’s training. He’s playing in a tournament in Japan and just 4 shots off the lead. (Yahoo)

Soccer: Now Even More Gayer

Luke Warm Pizza is TWWL’s morning headlines
(If you play soccer you probably aren’t interested in the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show featuring Alessandra Ambrosio)

Soccer Players Distracted By Man Buttocks
While taking a free kick some members of an Italian soccer team dropped their shorts to distract the opposing goal keeper. Knowing that they were playing soccer and that a high percentage of soccer players are a gay they figured the goal keeper would be distracted by that attractive man ass on display. It’s important to remember that not all soccer players are a gay so often times this strategy can back fire. (Yahoo)

2 Mediocre Teams Play Exciting Game
What was the most exciting part of last night’s Browns vs. Bills clash on Monday night football? Was it the back and forth 4th quarter that saw 27 combined points? Was it the Bills’ Rian Lindell missing a 47 yard field goal that would have given them the lead with seconds to play? Was it the game winning drive lead by Brady Quinn? All that was great but the best part was the absence of Stewart Scott! (NFL)

RIP Pete Newell
Hall of Fame Basketball Coach Pete Newell has passed. He was 93. Newell is one of 3 men who coached an NCAA, NIT and Olympic Gold Medal team.(ESPN)