Bucked In Carolina

Luke Warm Pizza – TWWL’s morning headlines

Panthers 38 Buccaneers 23 With the half time score 10-3 you felt pretty good about playing the under only to be screwed in the 2nd half. TWWL once had a ‘brush with greatness’ in the Tampa Airport when we spotted ESPN’s John Buccigross. I wish I had a better story about Tampa like the time I made passionate love to the cheerleader you see front and center, but you don’t want to hear details about how I pleasure myself.

NASCAR Needs a Bailout, Too – tough economic times hit racin’. (Yahoo)

Jerry Jones Hates Marion Barber - Owner melts down just like team. (Sporting News)

Weekend Winners aka Christmas Comes Early

Around The Interruption: TWWL’s afternoon update
(It’s that time of year! Tie some mistletoe around your waist and hope for the best. More Jennifer Lamiraqui here)

Freedom Beats Jail – OJ Simpson gets a minimum of 9 years. All in all that’s not too bad for killing your ex-wife and her friend. It’ll go fast thanks to all the sex.

Oklahoma Beats Missouri – really going out on a limb here.

Alabama Beats Florida – the public is all over the Gators driving the line to 10. I think the Tide has got a good enough D to actually win. I mean if you want to give me the points, I’ll take the points..but I like the Sabans outright!

Giants Beat Eagles – There is no Plax distraction. Having him around would be more of a distraction.

Steelers Beat Cowboys – there’s this feeling that Pittsburgh is due for a letdown after beating New England. Maybe. But when I think of this game I get a picture in my head of Wade Phillips and Mike Tomlin. Who do you like in that match up? Yup, Pittsburgh wins.

Norv Turner : Nose Picker

Luke Warm Pizza

Last night, during the 4th quarter, Chargers Head Coach Norv Turner was caught picking his nose. This game was being shown in 3D in a few select markets. That must have been scary. There is some good news: it was on the NFL Network so only a few people saw it and the Chargers beat the Raiders 34-7! So Norv comes out on top, he cleared his nasal passages of debris and got a victory.

If Norv is still the Chargers coach next year I suggest they select Missouri’s Chase Daniel in the draft. The Tigers QB seems to have the same passion for boogers that Norv does.

Tim Tebow a proud member of Alabama’s all "What If" team

(Even if he had gone to Alabama, chances are good Tim would have ended up the same in this arena…)

How about digesting Mr. Tebow’s choice to become a member of the Alabama Crimson Tide? Not now, of course…but three years ago. It’s always fun to play the “what if” game, but really, what if…

Baseball salary growth slowed in ’08? Hmmm…..couldn’t be somehow tied to the fact that the overall homerun average continued its downward trend also could it? Nah, I didn’t think so either. Safe bet is to blame it on the economy, which it seems folks are willing to do. The dirty secret is that if the ball was still flying out of the park regularly, fans would continue to pay to watch it, which would make for more dollars available to spend on salaries. God, I’m such a conspiricist.

Oh, and in a move that will no doubt be talked about for years after today, the St. Louis Cardinals solved all its problems by trading pitching for San Diego shortstop Khalil Greene.

Art Shamsky Is A Switch Hitter with an STD

Luke Warm Pizza
(Who wouldn’t want one of those in their basement? I’m talking about the pool table, I already have a woman locked up down there. My captive is not as attractive as Diana Dagota but then again few hookers are.)

69 World Series Hero, Really Into 69
Art Shamsky’s ex wife has filed suit claiming that the former New York Met gave her an STD.

Kim Shamsky says that during their 13-year marriage the famed outfielder and first baseman “engaged in acts of adultery with both men and women,” without her knowledge.

Kim, baby, relax. Of course he did this without your knowledge. Very few women are open to sex outside of marraige. Had he asked permission would you have given it?
(NY Post)

NFL Juice has some great leg kicks from cheerleaders.

Elisha Cuthbert is ‘Sloppy Seconds’?
Sean Avery is a total doucebag.

“I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada,” he said. “I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.” He then walked out of the locker room.

Avery’s ex-girlfriend, actress Elisha Cuthbert is dating Calgary defenseman Dion Phaneuf.

Eff Sean Avery! I’m pissed that hockey players can get high quality ass like Elisha Cuthbert! And based on his comments it’s no big deal. You bastard! Don’t you realize that the closest most of your fans will ever come to having a woman like that will be by masturbating to ‘The Girl Next Door’. (Yahoo)

Michael Phelps Keeps Winning

Luke Warm Pizza – TWWL’s morning headlines
(On205th just keeps turning out talent like Kim Cloutier. Hot girl in lingerie on table, why didn’t we do that for Thanksgiving?)

SI’s Sportsman of The Year..
is Plaxico Burress aka Harris Smith! Did you really think it could be anyone other than Michael Phelps? 8 Gold Medals this summer, millions of dollars, a super hot Vegas cocktail waitress girlfriend…I guess he’s doing alright for himself. (SI)

Texans 30 Jaguars 17
As tempted as I was to ignore this match up of 4-7 squads I was drawn in once ‘The Grinch Who Stole Christmas’ was over. Goddam, I love me some Dr. Seuss. Of course these 2 played like a couple of 4-7 teams. They bored the crap out of us for 3 quarters and then decided to score with 28 of the 47 points coming in the final 15 minutes.

Ex-Badger Threatens Sharapova, Alvarez
Leonard Taylor, a former Wisconsin football player, was charged Monday with threatening athletic director Barry Alvarez, tennis star Maria Sharapova and their families.

His father told police Taylor has been diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and hasn’t taken his medication for three months..

According to the complaint, Wisconsin head athletic trainer Denny Helwig told police in September that Taylor had been calling Alvarez’s office phone and leaving six to seven disturbing messages each night since the beginning of the football season.

The profanity-laced messages accused Sharapova of committing various injustices against him. He said he wanted to marry her and kill her and her family.

That is bizarre! Usually you don’t want to kill the family until after you’re married and they spend Thanksgiving weekend at your house. (ESPN)

Blake Griffin dressed in drag!

(Dear God, Blake Griffin…dear God…)

QUITE FRANKLIER is TWWL’s mid-day breakdown.

I knew there had to be something wrong with Texas Tech’s Graham Harrell on Saturday against Baylor. The Red Raiders were down two touchdowns in the second half to the Bears, which made no sense, and even without Michael Crabtree on the field making everybody look better, Harrell just didn’t appear to be on his game. I guess that’s what having two shattered fingers on your non-throwing hand will do for a quarterback.

While in Big 12 country, might as well take a look at the head that has come to the mess known as the Big 12 South. We all knew this was going to end badly. It did as the Oklahoma Sooners, which lost to Texas earlier this year, will represent the South in the conference championship game on Saturday…over both the Longhorns and Red Raiders. I know he’s normally known as “Big Game” Bob for his penchant to choke in big games…..I think this calls for a new name – so from hence forth, he shall be known as “Back Door” Bob Stoops. Yep, has a great ring to it. Get it? Ring? Back Door? HA! I kill me….

And, just to make this all about OU this time around – Sooners basketball stud and potential No. 1 NBA pick Blake Griffin found some time to dress up…in drag.

Harris Smith Shot at Applebee’s

Luke Warm Pizza is TWWL’s morning headlines
(Catalina Cruz has nice breasts. Damn, this long lay off has deprived me of any creativity!!)

Plaxico Burress Turned His-self In Troubled NY Giants wide out, Plaxico Burress turned himself in this morning. But there is some good news, details are beginning to emerge about Friday night’s incident in which Plax done shot hisself including:

* Taking his gun from the Midtown club Latin Quarter, where workers never called authorities and even cleaned up afterward.

* Spending about 90 minutes making frantic calls to figure out where his wound could be discreetly treated.

* Getting special treatment at New York-Cornell Hospital, where he gave his name as Harris Smith, saying he’d been shot at an Applebee’s restaurant. Nonetheless, hospital workers recognized him as Plaxico Burress, sources said, and the gunshot was not reported, as required by law.

Reminds me of Goodfellas when Tommy shot Spider in the foot and they had to take him to the doctor..only Plax didn’t have a the same doctor as Jimmy Conway. And I want a ‘Smith’ #17 Giants jersey for Christmas! (NY Post)

Gobble, Gobble

We’ll try to update tomorrow

Thanksgiving Has Started
Some of us bloggers work for a living and with just 3 days on the schedule this week it means we have to do our usual 7 days work in 3. As a result, we’ve had no time to update TWWL.

We should get you some Weekend Winners tomorrow. Have yourself a wonderful Thanksgiving spending time with your loved ones and pain in the ass in-laws.

That Was Easy

Luke Warm Pizza is TWWL’s morning headlines

New York vs. New York Super Bowl Preview
Okay..there is still a long way to go but the Giants and Jets are beginning to look like they could be headed for Tampa. The Jets dominated the previously undefeated Titans and the Giants improved to 10-1 by handling the Arizonas. Imagine the Jets and Giants, 2 NY based teams that play in New Jersey, playing in Tampa with the Garden State’s 1st son, Bruce Springsteen, playing at half time. Oh, and somebody I know called both of these games.

Bill Snyder Returns to Kansas State he’s only 69, a full 12 years younger than Joe Paterno who got a new hip yesterday. (Rivals)

Sexy Jockey Only Interested if You’re Hung Like a Horse (Sports By Brooks)